26 July 2011

Captain Crunch Revisited




I felt bad about not giving my sister my old gray tank top. But it has a pocket and I really like it. Anyways I decided to make amends by making her some Cap'n Crunch French Toast back from Dormet's first days of life. It's also a celebration that the Captain is NOT being discontinued! His full name is Horatio Magellan Crunch for cereal trivia know-how. So this french toast bizness. It's cool that by now I've made enough french toast to not need a recipe just throw together milk eggs and sugar the elemental structure of life so its not too watery looking. Add vanilla nutmeg and cinnamon to your heart's spice desires. Take some sugared corn and oat squares aka captain crunch put it in a bag and crush with the olive oil bottle on the counter. Dip the frozen rudi's bread from when loaves were buy one get one free. Then press into caramel candy cereal and fry up with some butter thats not too hot otherwise the lil cereal bits'll burn.

The tank top debacle was totally solved. Except she's still wearing the tank top AND I made her breakfast.....hmm. I think she won this one. But I get to put pictures of her looking like a goonie up.
In the dorm how-to:
Fill an apple bag with capn crunch from the dispensers
Grab soy sauce from dinner to use as a rolling pin
Grab butter pats from the sandwich cart
Bread from the bread collection at cforce
Sugar from the coffee bar at bfast
Go to one of the five starbucks within a three mile radius of campus
Steal their cinnamon shaker
Skip the nutmeg
Get your eggs from farrand with munch money
Yerr all set my minions.....jk. I mean students of dormitory culinary sophistication.

22 July 2011

Pizzettas!

Play this while you catch up on reading our blog, or the news, or some other foodie blog...



You are NOT allowed to say pizzettas! without an exclamation point.


Wooo pizza! After this summer I never wanna eat pizza again, except for maybe what Sabina and I put together at her place the other night. About 12 people came over and we had 5 balls of dough, so she brought out the frozen bread rolls and we made her childhood tradition. Pretty much the same as pizza but on a bread roll. To spare you the reading, I'll just tell you the combos:


1. Green apple, walnut, feta, yellow onion, pesto. Yes I'm from Vermont can you tell? Maybe add some honey, sugar sweetie.




2. Spinach rehydrated sundried tomato, feta, pesto.


3. Pepper jack and whatever else you've got lying around on the rolls with olive oil and peppers and such.

4. Pawpaw jelly and spinach and some other fixins… pawpaw is a fruit berry grown in the US that tastes like a strawberry banana papaya.


Honesty it was kinda hot in the kitchen and lovely tristuds brought over soooo many ingredients including a full pineapple that I kinda got tunnel vision and blacked out. I don't remember all the different things. I can tell you that we did use green peppers, live tomatoes (yeah I know), mushrooms, tomato sauce, lotz of cheeze, and that whole foods dough is bigger than falfa's, but ours costs less. Have wine with your pizza and enjoy the full moon outside for me, ok?


20 July 2011

Croque means Crunch


I got to practice my francais yesterday with my new custie friend from Paris.



In the spirit of that, le Tour, and French ham in the fridge, here is how to make a Croque Madame for breakfast. Griffin style, that is. 

1. I love bread, but I'm getting kinda tired of eating in six times a day. So we're gonna go with one piece of good for you bread. In the dining hall, grab whole wheat, sourdough, or maybe a croissant from the C4C. Sliced bread is stupid. Those toast well, but you can use whatever you want because "pane rustique" is not a dormet ingredient. If you're really feeling fancy, use munch money to pick up a baguette. 

2. If you're me you're gonna try to cook everything in a little baby pan and you'll mess up the egg. Don't do that. Butter both sides of the bread if it's sliced. If you got something that has a crust on the bottom, just butter the pan and the inside of the bread. At Alfalfa's we use béchamel, but that's a whole other can of worms I'll tell you about in a minute. 

3. Ham n cheese! And you better get thin sliced ham. I'm serious. Cheese goes on the bottom, preferably swiss or gruyere. And make sure the ham is fluffy. Cook this on medium so that the bread can stay on for a whiiiile without burning. 

4. Cook an egg sunny side up. I don't know how to tell you to do that because honestly I'm still learning egg terms. I put water in a lid and cover the egg for a hot minute to steam cook the top a little bit. But I think sunny side up means wavvy gravvy egg. Which, if you want to be respected in the culinary world, you should learn to like. The egg goes on top of the sammich. Don't forget salt and pepper. Have your sister eat it for breakfast because she's your test subject and you're too optimistic about what you make.


This type of thing is a good remedy for listening to three different life stories the day before. I really gotta find my headphones because I had to listen to the "I'm going to control the world as a democratic commune" shtick, a philosophical shtick, and the story of a bipolar schizophrenic for 3 minutes before I fell asleep on the bus. He drew me a picture with his phone number and left it on my seat. I've got about 3 more nights before I'm never taking an 11 pm bus by myself again.

Bechamel: cream + roux

18 July 2011

Pity Party




Since last August's bike crash calamity, I've visited the dentist a record of thirty seven times in eleven months, using up me AND my entire family's dental insurance for the year. To celebrate I'm throwing a pity party. I made lemon pound cake with a poppy seed top. And there'll be vanilla bean gelato too. I won't be eating because I have post-root canal trauma but I'd love to watch you eat my cake. The catch is you have to drive to my mountain cabin because I'm still painkiller stoned. Rest assured the Cinderella hallucinations have stopped.

WHO: you!
WHERE: my house!
WHEN: now!
WHY: sympathy!/cake!
RSVP: 303-325....oh wait you can't because my phone was stolen!


Can't make it? Don't worry there's a quadruple wisdom tooth extraction party in September!



16 July 2011

alla Carbonara

I'm gonna cut to the chase again on this one:

First, put this on - it's about the cocaine trade, and we listened to it in one of my classes:


1. Ozo coffee on Pearl and...10th? opens at 6 am. If you have the pleasure of working nice and early, hit it up and ask for a croissant and a cafe au lait or latte. Que tu es francais!

2. My bomb day supervisor started training me on the line yesterday. I'm in love with the industry now.

3. You can get a roll, a carrot, a good piece of cheese, and yogurt for less than $3 and have your bases covered at Alfalfa's. Get the maple brown cow kind because it reminds you of Vermont.

4. As promised... carbonara. Three-point-six minutes of research tells me that no one knows where this 'dish' as they say comes from, but there are several theories. One holds that carbonara is related to coal, so this could be an Italian coalworker's meal.  Or the pepper just looks like coal. My favorite is that Americans used powdered eggs and bacon as bargaining materials and distribution after they served Italy in World War II.


The fun part? You can really make this in the dorms. Promise.

Method:
1. Whisk together your eggs from Farrand and some parm. They have that in all the dining halls. You might as well jack a shaker. Get some bacon at breakfast and dice it up.
2. Actually, do that while your water's boiling. Actually, that depends. No, boil water. Steal spaghetti on spaghetti day, or ask for it plain at the C4C. Reheat or cook the noodles in the water, because after you strain them...
3. You're going to put them into the bowl with the eggs. The heat cooks the eggs and you mix it all together and if you've eaten your equivalent of nothing all day it will be delicious. Be sure to add pepper and bacon for traditional. If you're feeling fancy, add your faaaavorite herbs, but be sure to keep it simple.

14 July 2011

Rasta Pastah Mon

This one goes out to all my Boulder maryjane enthusiasts that like their munchies raw. And I say that in my most endearing not-condescending tone. I still sound sarcastic but I'm really not this time.


Rasta Pasta, equal parts all veggies
Red peppers [diced] for the blood of all living things in the world...
Corn for all the treasures in the world that people cherish....
Edamame for the earth that people walk on.....

I threw in some chopped white onion for flavor factor.
I imagine jalapeno would be good too but I'm anti-spicy.


Deliver the Rastafarian manifestation in vegetable form in a used Jif jar.
The layering is purely for presentation. It should be shook before eaten.

Daaaank dude.
Munch on Boulder....


Ramen Gnocchi

Dormet worked in the demo kitchen at Alfalfa's yesterday!




I found the recipe for gnocci made out of ramen in a new quarterly that I can't find online, but you can check out some of David Chang's other work on this funsie site. His home site is Momofuku, which means Lucky Peach. Cool!

The cool thing about this gnocchi is that the high processed flour in ramen mixed with milk makes a pate a choux, which is a French pastry base for eclairs, beignets, or cream puffs.

Here's the recipe we handed out:

2 C 2% or whole milk
2 pkg ramen (store the flavoring for when you're too lazy to make broth - like for the sauce!)
4 egg yolks
3 T butter
salt TT

Bring milk to a boil, turn off heat.
Add the ramen and break it apart with a fork.
Steep 1 minute, then strain, keeping the milk. Noodles should still be firm.
Blend the ramen with 1 C milk - you might need to push the mixture down into the blade so it doesn't overheat!
When the mixture is cool enough that it won't cook the eggs (comfortable to touch), and the yolks one at a time.
Blend in the salt and 1 T butter while you're at it!

Start boiling a pot of water. While it's heating, put the pate a choux you've just made into a pastry or sandwich bag.
Use a pastry scraper, cheese grater, or straightedge to push the pate a choux into the corner with the hole.
Squeeze the dough out into the water, cutting it into about 1/2'' segments.
Scoop the noodles out when they float to the top with preferably a screen, but anything with holes.
Make sure as much water is shaken off as possible.

Place on a greased plate or tray and chill to room temp in the fridge or freezer - just make sure that the gnocchi is room temp when you go to saute it!



Get the skillet real hot - enough that the butter foams when you add it, but doesn't evaporate. Spread the gnocchi out over the pan so none are stacked.
Stare at them til they turn golden delicious.
Give em a flip to cook the other side, and plate em with coconut curry or parm and herbs.


And here's why the 90s are gone... and why I 'll stop using shoop as a verb.


And, last one - MOM I TOLD YOU EATING A POTATO IS LIKE EATING A CUPCAKE
One of those stupid photo essays on foods that promote weight gain/loss, promoted by Harvard, right here.

12 July 2011

Frozen Cherries

1. Cut out the pits so you can eat uninhibited
2. Freeze your GMO strawberry cherries at 2.50/lb from Safeway. That's $3/lb less than at Alfalfa's. That's 1/3 a fifth of Burnett's that you should drink before your next shift.
3. Those frozen cherries go real well with chocolate chips.
4. Keep them in the lowboy for a pickmeups all night.
4 1/2. If you have a life that you enjoy during the day, pull the cherries out after they're totally frozen and let them sit for 30 minutes. When you get back, they'll have a popsicle texture.
5. Keep your post short so you don't disclose too much emotion about your bed being in the closet when you get home after your coworker steals your best friend's cell phone and there's no promised flatbread burger in the fridge and your sister won't take you running with her. But it's ok because I'm going to see...



AND



AND



AND




At Osheaga in Montreal with my music gurus David and Will. That means I can get New Orleans, angry, and hipster all in one day. Hopefully I'll be able to remember my name. Just kidding I couldn't forget because I have to wear a nametag to work.

07 July 2011

Blueberry Blueberry Poptart Coffee Cake

Alright my friends and family,
I've been wearing my fancy pants for a little too long.
It was time to return to my dormet roots.
So when my mom challenged me to dormetize a box of blueberry poptarts,
I bravely accepted the challenge....
WORKING WITH WHAT YOU GOT NO.1
Blueberry Blueberry Poptart Coffee Cake.
Yeah I said blueberry twice.
That's cause there's real blubbery blueberries too!
The picture is all spooky dark because my family was watching Buried while I baked.
It's an awful movie about a man held for ransom in Iraq.
He was buried alive in a coffin with a cell phone and a lighter.
The camera shot never leaves the coffin he's burried in.
So essentially you're looking at 1h35min of Ryan Reynolds barely lit face,
a lot of cell phone ringing,
And spoiler alert.
He doesn't get rescued.
My dad said it was a good reminder your life is good
because you're not three feet underground in
a coffin without food or water
slowly being suffocated by sand pouring into your coffin.
Well Dad, I could've told you that two hours ago.
If you can't say the same,
watch it!

BACK TO THE CAKE!

Grease the pan.

1.5 cups of blueberries
add a 1/4 cup sugar
2 teaspoons cornstarch
set aside

For the cake:

1/3 cup sour cream
1 large egg
1 large egg yolk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup cake flour
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
6 tablespoons softened butter, cut into 8 pieces.

Put 3/4 of the cake batter in the pan.

Add sugared blueberries.

Add the rest of the batter.

topping:

1/8 cup dark brown sugar
1/8 cup granulated sugar
a few shakes of cinnamon
pinch o' salt
2oz butter, melted

stir 2gether til smooth

add 1 cup cake flour

should crumb nicely into chunks

(can I say chunks when talking about food?)

add four blueberry poptarts!!!!!

break em into pieces

yessss

bake for 45 minutes

watch Ryan Reynolds die.


A Bloody Mary in the Shape of a Steak Salad



I'm under twenty one. There I said it. And I think that's why I'm particularly drawn to recipes with alcohol or alcoholic inspiration, because it gives me an excuse or makes it seem ok to my folks. Last time it was when we made a guinness chocolate cake. (The pictures were kidnapped!?)

Anyways this time Bloody Marys. In the shape of a steak salad....

I'm gunna go ahead and say don't try and make this in the dorms. It's more for the occasion of your parents paying for your groceries for most likely the last month of your life. So I'm milking this for all that it's worth.

Now, steak isn't that photogenic, and my food photography skills are still maturing, so I'll have to describe this to you with my superfluous vocabulary.

OK! Steak! Cowsies cowsies.....
Since I'm dumb and don't know the hierarchy of the butchery of a cow,
I got skirt steak. You should not. It's hard to chew (But is uber cheap)

Anyways for the steak!
salt to taste
4 teaspoons brown sugar
2 teaspoons paprika
1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Rub all over steak and let marinate in the fridge for three hours.

That was enough time for me to run three miles, stop by the bike shop, go to the bank, go to the grocery store and then drive home in a flash flood of a rainstorm.

Now for the bloody mary part!

1 cup finely chopped red onion
3 tablespoons Sherry vinegar
2 pounds cherry tomatoes (I used a pack of golden and a pack of red for diversity)
1 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup chopped brined green olives plus 2 tablespoons olive brine
2 tablespoons prepared horseradish
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Stir veggies
Stir sauceish things in another bowl
Mix together
Put over a bed of salad

Now grill your steak for 4 minutes on each side on high.
Yeah that's right this girl used her dad's grill.
Bring it back inside slice it all pretty
Put it on top of the salad.

Now play some Regina Spektor and make your family pretend like they're at a restaurant. Dad grabs a Fat Tire which is a real compliment.

I could totally run a restaurant if it only served four people and had a set menu.



Smile.cows.summer.bloodymary.dinner.

Gentrification

ANNOUNCEMENT! Dormet will be demo-ing in the Demo Kitchen at Alfalfa's next Wednesday at dinner time. Stop by between 5 and 7 to see us in action!



Now back to the program...

I was swimming at Lap Swim at Curtis Park Pool today (hours 11-6, because it's impossible to find online) and I found out that Lap Swim means white people swim. That's the most white people I've ever seen there, which illustrates the gentrification project going on over this side of town.

So swimming back and forth, I hear a bunch of yelling and think oh goshdarnit it's thundering and they want us to get out. Not the case. The life guard is yelling at this guy walking by outside the fence who was cussing at someone in the pool. They start this huge yelling match with lots of "I was in this neighborhood way before your white cuss" and "just keep walking sir" and "Imma kill you." Everyone who wasn't gaping at the side of the pool was casually breast stroking to see what was going on. Major buzz kill. I don't think I'm too hot on this phenomenon that they are referring to as "reverse white flight."

That said, I see why I got in trouble last night for trying to ride my skateboard home at midnight. I'm not allowed to do that because it's dangerous. My sister got into some unknown shenanigans - long story short, the rents had to stay up til midnight for us ungrateful miscreants.

Punishment? They made us wake up at 6 in the morning because they had to get up that early. Which means I had enough time to swim, skateboard like 5 miles, wander REI for half an hour, and sew a t-shirt BEFORE making lunch. Here's your Ima Looooser Shell Pasta Recipe:

Saute red onion, jalapeno, and garlic in olive oil til it smells good
Add mushrooms, diced tomato, butter, and a little worcester sauce
Have your shell pasta boiling al dente by now
Make a roux with more milk than cheese, salt, pepper, and flour, and more worcester sauce
Combine everything, add fresh basil, and plate.
You'll be impressed.

05 July 2011

Dormet Goes to Gunnison

How to make a web log about all the good food things down south:



Just kidding. How to make a web log about why people think you're drunk all the time:


I guess I owe a little bit of explanation huh?

We spent the whole weekend singing camp songs. This is the only time you'll hear me sing.



This kid will sing though anytime



I made that video 3 hours in, so I had muchas energy. Not alcohol or drug induced. I wouldn't act that way in public, only for all the internet to see. Huh...

We go way deeper than Fergalicious and Right Round, but I was hoping the entertainment value would overcome the poor taste in music. For the record, I AM allowed to listen to whatever because I am NOT 16 anymore, just with discretion at the family homestead.

Me and my family did not get drunk under a bridge, but everyone else who was waiting to put in their raft did. We had to wait because some people got stuck on a tree in the middle of a river. We were totally competent. It was a real great adventure too because I almost fell out twice.





Food review: The Secret Stash in Crested Butte is a great place to go. They do great pizza, but since we were in a hurry to hustle cheese from other restaurants for my uncle's place, we were going to do salad. We tried really really really hard to eat greens this weekend. Sometimes, that just can't happen. They were out of greens, so we ate cheesy mushrooms and banana peppers instead. Best wings you can find too.



To celebrate America, we made a comeback salad. Here's what to do:



Chop up cucumbers (add salt if not ripe), tomato, avocado, mushrooms, apple, red leaf lettuce
Saute the mushrooms in a tiiiiny bit of olive oil and vinegar and pepper.
Add even less maple syrup and some oil, then toss it all together.
Bring it to the park in your uncle's jeep with the top down. Pair with a New Belgium, classy you.

01 July 2011

Pesto



When a customer orders a grilled veggie sammich with no cheese, you must remind them that pesto contains parmesan.

When you make pesto at home, you must remember that Sunflower Market Olive Oil is a good investment for cheap students, but it tastes gross. Here's a recipe different than ours by just a little bit.

2 cups basil (we picked ours from our city garden! Read: a tub with dirt and beautiful plants in it)
1 cup parm
3/4 cup olive oil
1 cup pine nuts
garlic ta tastes


This was fun because Bryn's a groovy homegirl taking my shift tonight and I decided that class was optional today. What I'm getting at is that I regaled my parents with work stories for an hour, washed my hair for the first time since Sunday, ate pastries and bread sticks, and watched the new Karate Kid with my sister. I'm pretty sure that Jaden Smith is like 9 and not old enough to be making out with small Chinese girls yet. But I might practice putting on and taking off a jacket for a little bit - that's how he learns Kung Fu.

Again, I give you permission to stop reading, but I've got a few work snipplets (I hope that's not a dirty word) to remember:

Our bomb diggity new busser, Patrick, was asking me about some misspelled labels on the salads in the kitchen, saying things like "Herbal Chicken Salad?! That sounds like something from Cheba Hut!" or "I can't find traditional tuna… but here's some SPACY tuna! Is spacy tuna good? It seems like a good replacement?!"

One customer couldn't stop raving about the eggplant parmesan I made. TO BE SURE, I was bragging about it because I made it in a smaller pan and beefed it up with extra eggplant. But when you're paying $7, you want a little more than spinach and a piece of roasted veg right?

A few custies remembered me and told me so, which made me real happy. It's nice to make people feel like people instead of a customer or an employee.

Now for your moment of zen:

"Did you guys watch Flintstones?"
"I LOVE Flintstone vitamins!"
"I like the Dino ones best!"
"I like BamBam"
"I feel like I'm on acid or something right now…"