26 July 2011
22 July 2011
20 July 2011
18 July 2011
Since last August's bike crash calamity, I've visited the dentist a record of thirty seven times in eleven months, using up me AND my entire family's dental insurance for the year. To celebrate I'm throwing a pity party. I made lemon pound cake with a poppy seed top. And there'll be vanilla bean gelato too. I won't be eating because I have post-root canal trauma but I'd love to watch you eat my cake. The catch is you have to drive to my mountain cabin because I'm still painkiller stoned. Rest assured the Cinderella hallucinations have stopped.
16 July 2011
First, put this on - it's about the cocaine trade, and we listened to it in one of my classes:
2. My bomb day supervisor started training me on the line yesterday. I'm in love with the industry now.
3. You can get a roll, a carrot, a good piece of cheese, and yogurt for less than $3 and have your bases covered at Alfalfa's. Get the maple brown cow kind because it reminds you of Vermont.
4. As promised... carbonara. Three-point-six minutes of research tells me that no one knows where this 'dish' as they say comes from, but there are several theories. One holds that carbonara is related to coal, so this could be an Italian coalworker's meal. Or the pepper just looks like coal. My favorite is that Americans used powdered eggs and bacon as bargaining materials and distribution after they served Italy in World War II.
The fun part? You can really make this in the dorms. Promise.
1. Whisk together your eggs from Farrand and some parm. They have that in all the dining halls. You might as well jack a shaker. Get some bacon at breakfast and dice it up.
2. Actually, do that while your water's boiling. Actually, that depends. No, boil water. Steal spaghetti on spaghetti day, or ask for it plain at the C4C. Reheat or cook the noodles in the water, because after you strain them...
3. You're going to put them into the bowl with the eggs. The heat cooks the eggs and you mix it all together and if you've eaten your equivalent of nothing all day it will be delicious. Be sure to add pepper and bacon for traditional. If you're feeling fancy, add your faaaavorite herbs, but be sure to keep it simple.
14 July 2011
Deliver the Rastafarian manifestation in vegetable form in a used Jif jar.
I found the recipe for gnocci made out of ramen in a new quarterly that I can't find online, but you can check out some of David Chang's other work on this funsie site. His home site is Momofuku, which means Lucky Peach. Cool!
The cool thing about this gnocchi is that the high processed flour in ramen mixed with milk makes a pate a choux, which is a French pastry base for eclairs, beignets, or cream puffs.
Here's the recipe we handed out:
2 C 2% or whole milk
2 pkg ramen (store the flavoring for when you're too lazy to make broth - like for the sauce!)
4 egg yolks
3 T butter
Bring milk to a boil, turn off heat.
Add the ramen and break it apart with a fork.
Steep 1 minute, then strain, keeping the milk. Noodles should still be firm.
Blend the ramen with 1 C milk - you might need to push the mixture down into the blade so it doesn't overheat!
When the mixture is cool enough that it won't cook the eggs (comfortable to touch), and the yolks one at a time.
Blend in the salt and 1 T butter while you're at it!
Start boiling a pot of water. While it's heating, put the pate a choux you've just made into a pastry or sandwich bag.
Use a pastry scraper, cheese grater, or straightedge to push the pate a choux into the corner with the hole.
Squeeze the dough out into the water, cutting it into about 1/2'' segments.
Scoop the noodles out when they float to the top with preferably a screen, but anything with holes.
Make sure as much water is shaken off as possible.
Place on a greased plate or tray and chill to room temp in the fridge or freezer - just make sure that the gnocchi is room temp when you go to saute it!
Get the skillet real hot - enough that the butter foams when you add it, but doesn't evaporate. Spread the gnocchi out over the pan so none are stacked.
Stare at them til they turn golden delicious.
Give em a flip to cook the other side, and plate em with coconut curry or parm and herbs.
And here's why the 90s are gone... and why I 'll stop using shoop as a verb.
And, last one - MOM I TOLD YOU EATING A POTATO IS LIKE EATING A CUPCAKE
One of those stupid photo essays on foods that promote weight gain/loss, promoted by Harvard, right here.
12 July 2011
2. Freeze your GMO strawberry cherries at 2.50/lb from Safeway. That's $3/lb less than at Alfalfa's. That's 1/3 a fifth of Burnett's that you should drink before your next shift.
3. Those frozen cherries go real well with chocolate chips.
4. Keep them in the lowboy for a pickmeups all night.
4 1/2. If you have a life that you enjoy during the day, pull the cherries out after they're totally frozen and let them sit for 30 minutes. When you get back, they'll have a popsicle texture.
5. Keep your post short so you don't disclose too much emotion about your bed being in the closet when you get home after your coworker steals your best friend's cell phone and there's no promised flatbread burger in the fridge and your sister won't take you running with her. But it's ok because I'm going to see...
At Osheaga in Montreal with my music gurus David and Will. That means I can get New Orleans, angry, and hipster all in one day. Hopefully I'll be able to remember my name. Just kidding I couldn't forget because I have to wear a nametag to work.
07 July 2011
Grease the pan.
1.5 cups of blueberries
add a 1/4 cup sugar
2 teaspoons cornstarch
For the cake:
1/3 cup sour cream
1 large egg
1 large egg yolk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup cake flour
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
6 tablespoons softened butter, cut into 8 pieces.
Put 3/4 of the cake batter in the pan.
Add sugared blueberries.
Add the rest of the batter.
1/8 cup dark brown sugar
1/8 cup granulated sugar
a few shakes of cinnamon
pinch o' salt
2oz butter, melted
stir 2gether til smooth
add 1 cup cake flour
should crumb nicely into chunks
(can I say chunks when talking about food?)
add four blueberry poptarts!!!!!
break em into pieces
bake for 45 minutes
watch Ryan Reynolds die.
4 teaspoons brown sugar
2 teaspoons paprika
1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 cup finely chopped red onion
3 tablespoons Sherry vinegar
2 pounds cherry tomatoes (I used a pack of golden and a pack of red for diversity)
1 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup chopped brined green olives plus 2 tablespoons olive brine
2 tablespoons prepared horseradish
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Now back to the program...
I was swimming at Lap Swim at Curtis Park Pool today (hours 11-6, because it's impossible to find online) and I found out that Lap Swim means white people swim. That's the most white people I've ever seen there, which illustrates the gentrification project going on over this side of town.
So swimming back and forth, I hear a bunch of yelling and think oh goshdarnit it's thundering and they want us to get out. Not the case. The life guard is yelling at this guy walking by outside the fence who was cussing at someone in the pool. They start this huge yelling match with lots of "I was in this neighborhood way before your white cuss" and "just keep walking sir" and "Imma kill you." Everyone who wasn't gaping at the side of the pool was casually breast stroking to see what was going on. Major buzz kill. I don't think I'm too hot on this phenomenon that they are referring to as "reverse white flight."
That said, I see why I got in trouble last night for trying to ride my skateboard home at midnight. I'm not allowed to do that because it's dangerous. My sister got into some unknown shenanigans - long story short, the rents had to stay up til midnight for us ungrateful miscreants.
Punishment? They made us wake up at 6 in the morning because they had to get up that early. Which means I had enough time to swim, skateboard like 5 miles, wander REI for half an hour, and sew a t-shirt BEFORE making lunch. Here's your Ima Looooser Shell Pasta Recipe:
Saute red onion, jalapeno, and garlic in olive oil til it smells good
Add mushrooms, diced tomato, butter, and a little worcester sauce
Have your shell pasta boiling al dente by now
Make a roux with more milk than cheese, salt, pepper, and flour, and more worcester sauce
Combine everything, add fresh basil, and plate.
You'll be impressed.
05 July 2011
Just kidding. How to make a web log about why people think you're drunk all the time:
I guess I owe a little bit of explanation huh?
We spent the whole weekend singing camp songs. This is the only time you'll hear me sing.
|This kid will sing though anytime|
I made that video 3 hours in, so I had muchas energy. Not alcohol or drug induced. I wouldn't act that way in public, only for all the internet to see. Huh...
We go way deeper than Fergalicious and Right Round, but I was hoping the entertainment value would overcome the poor taste in music. For the record, I AM allowed to listen to whatever because I am NOT 16 anymore, just with discretion at the family homestead.
Me and my family did not get drunk under a bridge, but everyone else who was waiting to put in their raft did. We had to wait because some people got stuck on a tree in the middle of a river. We were totally competent. It was a real great adventure too because I almost fell out twice.
Food review: The Secret Stash in Crested Butte is a great place to go. They do great pizza, but since we were in a hurry to hustle cheese from other restaurants for my uncle's place, we were going to do salad. We tried really really really hard to eat greens this weekend. Sometimes, that just can't happen. They were out of greens, so we ate cheesy mushrooms and banana peppers instead. Best wings you can find too.
To celebrate America, we made a comeback salad. Here's what to do:
Chop up cucumbers (add salt if not ripe), tomato, avocado, mushrooms, apple, red leaf lettuce
Saute the mushrooms in a tiiiiny bit of olive oil and vinegar and pepper.
Add even less maple syrup and some oil, then toss it all together.
Bring it to the park in your uncle's jeep with the top down. Pair with a New Belgium, classy you.
01 July 2011
When a customer orders a grilled veggie sammich with no cheese, you must remind them that pesto contains parmesan.
When you make pesto at home, you must remember that Sunflower Market Olive Oil is a good investment for cheap students, but it tastes gross. Here's a recipe different than ours by just a little bit.
2 cups basil (we picked ours from our city garden! Read: a tub with dirt and beautiful plants in it)
1 cup parm
3/4 cup olive oil
1 cup pine nuts
garlic ta tastes
This was fun because Bryn's a groovy homegirl taking my shift tonight and I decided that class was optional today. What I'm getting at is that I regaled my parents with work stories for an hour, washed my hair for the first time since Sunday, ate pastries and bread sticks, and watched the new Karate Kid with my sister. I'm pretty sure that Jaden Smith is like 9 and not old enough to be making out with small Chinese girls yet. But I might practice putting on and taking off a jacket for a little bit - that's how he learns Kung Fu.
Again, I give you permission to stop reading, but I've got a few work snipplets (I hope that's not a dirty word) to remember:
Our bomb diggity new busser, Patrick, was asking me about some misspelled labels on the salads in the kitchen, saying things like "Herbal Chicken Salad?! That sounds like something from Cheba Hut!" or "I can't find traditional tuna… but here's some SPACY tuna! Is spacy tuna good? It seems like a good replacement?!"
One customer couldn't stop raving about the eggplant parmesan I made. TO BE SURE, I was bragging about it because I made it in a smaller pan and beefed it up with extra eggplant. But when you're paying $7, you want a little more than spinach and a piece of roasted veg right?
A few custies remembered me and told me so, which made me real happy. It's nice to make people feel like people instead of a customer or an employee.
Now for your moment of zen:
"Did you guys watch Flintstones?"
"I LOVE Flintstone vitamins!"
"I like the Dino ones best!"
"I like BamBam"
"I feel like I'm on acid or something right now…"