There is only one reason why I am not at swim practice right now: almonds. I haven't had any almonds in a heck of a long time because they're not really a dorm food. But I went home this last weekend and my mom gave me this bag of fancy California roasted and salted almonds. First mistake.
Then Faulkner made me a....well...."Faulkner-esque" dinner. What I mean by that is broccoli, pineapple, grapes, and the real show-stopper......drumroll.......STRAWBERRY MASHED POTATOES!
Nope. Your eyes did not deceive you. Strawberry. I was homeworking so I left her to her kitchen shenanigans. But I took a break to fill up my water bottle only to find Faulkner over a pot of pink hued potatoes. This is about how the dialogue went:
B:"What did you put in there. Why are the potatoes pink. What is that. What did you do."
B:"Whaaaat. Tell me. That's not normal. Faulkner, What is it, what is it, whatisit."
F:"I-forgot-to-get-milk-and-I couldn't use just butter so I-put-yogurt in and I thought it was vanilla-but-it was-strawberry and it was fat-free but I used it anyways and I didn't-think-you'd-find-out; if you put-pepper in it, it might off set the-fruitiness!"
So we ate strawberry mashed potatoes for dinner. She tried to convince me it was like eating a bagel with strawberry cream cheese but I still don't believe her.
Second mistake. Faulkner leaves me alone with a bag of almonds for twenty minutes. Homework and an open bag of almonds, eh- never again. I'm left in bed with an upset stomach. Googled "why does my stomach hurt after almonds?" Answer: almond intolerance. So, I'm going to put the almonds away for a while.
Now, you're probably wondering why I'm not blaming strawberry mashed potatoes....but it's not their fault. Almonds are the better culprit. And I don't want to cyber-nix Faulkner's culinary career before it begins, cause that's what friends do. (Watch strawberry yogurt mashed potatoes be her restaurant specialty one day) But I am sorry I dropped a cellphone on her head, not so friendly.