31 January 2011

How To Make Sardines

#1. Remove the shimmery unappetizing fish from the can.
#2. Squeal like a little girl at the sight of the fully intact gastrointestinal tract of the sardines.
#3. Place three of the sardines in a fry pan on medium heat.
#4. Bring to a low boil in a swimming pool of extra-virgin olive oil.
#5. See how long the fish can swim around in the pan without making eye contact with you.
#6. Save the sardine that you just wanted to be friends with when it gets stuck in the burner.
#7. Poke the fish with a black spot on its shoulder to see if it's done.
#8. Leave the best-looking sardine in the pan, but put it on the back burner.
#9. Realize that the ideal sardine was just to shy and is still hiding in the can.
#10. Add that little fish too the pan and things really start to get heated.
#11. Well they're done whenever they reach the desired temperature, so take them out before things get too weird.
#12. Eat them with some toast and cucumbers.
#13. Within the next two hours, you'll swear to never eat another sardine for the rest of your life.

They were made to feed off the bottom of the ocean. Get your Omega-3's elsewhere, or from Salmon.

Bruises and Pancakes

Well, well, well, surprise surprise- we made stirfry again mostly because we were uninspired by the vegetables in the dining hall. But we forgot to fry the noodles. So it was really more like stirnoodles. But it gets better kids. We countered our conventionalness with pancakes.....and not your typical pancakes. I don't remember where I got this idea, I think I had a dream about it......but I had an itch for some cookie dough pancakes. So we walked approximately 1.2 miles to Farrand marketplace to buy the cookie dough. AND THEY DIDN"T HAVE ANY. Major letdown. So we bought those movie theater cookie dough candies as a replacement, kind of the same thing? Except they don't have to be refrigerated.....which is borderline horrifying but we ate them anyways. And the candyrow is a dangerous place because we also ended up with two packets of blue razz Poprocks.

After an arctic walk back across campus we got this craziness started. Since I was locked out of my room, which is a regular occurrence, we didn't have the fancy pancake mix from Faulkner's mother so we resorted to the Hungryjack (justaddwater!) that has been in our kitchen since before we moved in. Hmm. So recap. Hungryjack+cookiedough candies. Kind of awesomely delicious. But at the same time I don't want to admit it. Next were the hungryjack+poprock pancakes which were kind of mystical. And not because the sugary carbon dioxide processed lactose (which is the crux of what Poprocks are....) but because of the pancakes striking resemblance to Faulkner's bike crash bruise! I can barely tell the two apart:

IF you are up for the challenge give these so-called pancakes a try and see how many processed and refined foods your body can handle! I QUADRUPLE dog dare you.


30 January 2011


I slept for 11 hours last night and cooked this morning.

See those streams of light? Those are holy rays of Goodness raining down emanating church songs.

And if Church were closer to something like this, I'd still be going. The kids at Mater Christi Catholic school did not have this enthusiasm.


1. Cook yer eggs to yer likin. We didn't have any pepper so I used basil.
2. Put the whole good for you toast in when the eggs are about halfway done. Apricot jam and butter goes on top.
3. Slice some apples really thin and crumble some real goat cheese on top, just a little bit.
4. Orange juice
5. Fancy euro chocolate mint tea. Heat the cups up first by pouring in hot water. Serve in a tea pot with milk.
6. Have an enlightened discussion about how if we work at Whole Foods next year, we could get a discount.

29 January 2011

So Professional

I'm bringing classy back.

With that said, Bryn is retreating to Winter Park with the Tri team right now while I watch my sister pace the carpet mumbling a poem, putting up with my occasional outbursts of things like "A pair of star-crossed lovers!!"

Or, "I need help with Econ!"

In other words, despite my much-needed refuge taking, I am experiencing separation anxiety even with three phone calls today from my future roommate. I am exaggerating.

If, however, Bryn and I were in the cramped kitchen tonight squealing about the latest and talking about how I need to go to more practices, we would have made some stir fry. The thrill of the produce selection on campus wanes quickly, and after a week of eating rearrangements of corn syrup in the form of bread, snackimals, or a cookie, it was high time for some fresh (more or less) carotene, which, by the way, is supposed to make you look tan and beautiful.

Absentee Stir Fry:
1. Weave your way through a Safeway that is reminiscent of the airport - people from literally all walks of life pack into the aisles, and there's always someone not quite with it making commotion, or in today's case, there were four cop cars and about six cops surrounding a homeless looking dude that certainly wouldn't warrant the amount of blue lights and uniforms.

2. Get some color:
Red Onion
Green Onions
Yellow Pepper
Orange Pepper (I don't like green peppers any more after I read an interview with Euclid Hall's dreamboat head chef Jorel Pierce)
Mushrooms, just for funsies because they look like meat
Rice Noodles (The ones that say 'Thai' somewhere on the box)

3. You know the stir fry drill. Cut up the onions super tiny (one might say mince) and throw them in with your mom's super fancy olive oil.

4. Cut up everything else into smallish pieces and add in the order listed above. Forget that you bought green beans - add those right at the end so they just barely heat up. Crunch.

5. While Emily stirs all that around, grab spices out of the drawer, inhale them, and ask to put them in. You'll probably get away with cumin (smells like young adult males, but it works) paprika and some other one that starts with c.

5. You'll want to add some canola oil so as not to use $5 worth of that olive stuff

6. Boil your noodles. Drain. Soy sauce? Yes.

7. Mix all that together. Snarf down the extra noodles - the onesided colorwheel of nutrients is the most important part.

8. It wouldn't be a mom-less meal without Pillsbury crescent rolls baked fresh for 11 minutes out of that awesome exploding cardboard can thing. Pull them out of the oven at the end of dinner and eat warm with jam.

9. Are those PANCAKES from SNOOZE in the fridge? Yeah I'm still hungry. I'm anything for pumpkinseedpears, red velvet, or peanutbutterbananas in flapjack form.

I'm supposed to bring some delicious for dinner tomorrow. I am accepting ideas.


When you put a lease on a house, you should drink a lot of coffee or caffeinated icy flavored water.
Before: Something carmely called a Milky Way. Or a Florentine.
After: At 66 degrees on January 28, it should really have ice in it.
Go to a snobbery coffe place (BUCHANANS). They will not be able to make an Italian Soda OR an iced Florentine.
Two girls, two requests, ZERO options. Big fail there.
But... they could be forgiven for a very seductive iced mocha.

26 January 2011


Halfway through the longest week ever!!!
Here's a recipe to get through it.
1. Decide to lease an apartment without looking at it.
2. Call your mom. She'll tell you its a bad idea.
3. Knock on doors to ask if you can see the place.
A friendly guy will answer, and you'll say, is this ______ street address?
He'll say yeah....
Oh! Cool! Um, we're trying to find a place to rent next year - do you mind if we check out your house?
He'll hesitate for a minute and then:
"I have one question... do you smoke weed?"
If you're me, you'll stand there with your eyes glazed over. What? Why? Are we going to be neighbors?
Bryn, sharp as ever, will realize that he's stoned and say "We won't tell anyone!"
And then you'll check out the best place ever!!
4. Get back to Sewall and eat white food. Interpret that as you will.
4.1 Boil water. Put ramen in it. MMM
4.2 Get a sandwich from the grab and go. Take everything out of it. Inhale the cheese and make ewww gross faces at the roast beef. Heat the bread on both sides, indiscriminately squeeze agave nectar beautiful all over the bread, bluntly dump some cinnamon sugar all over it. Haaaayeah.
4.66 At this point, Bryn and I went through all the stages of a fight involving me coming back from the hill a little later than expected and she was waiting all, "where have you been?!" And I was all, YOU LEFT ME! And she was like, "We're fighting!!" And I was all, I was torn, making that decision was harder than choosing a house to live in that's how important you are!
And she was like, ok, we're not fighting anymore. I'll get you your Ben and Jerry's.
So we got some Mint Cookie and got through about half before deciding that that much buttercreamy goodness should not enter the bloostream at such an hour. Now we're lark happy doing homework.

25 January 2011

I don't scream for snow ice cream!

But Faulkner really liked it. What doesn't she like? Just strip malls and campus police I think...

Well, so this snow ice cream- I was minding my own business, studying quantitative reasoning mathematical skills (which isn't as intellectually stimulating as the course title makes out it to be) when Faulkner started to ramble on about snow ice cream. It sounded more interesting than the annual percentage rate of my hypothetical bank deposit SO we made it. And it was.......fine. But in case you don't want to spend seventeen dollars a bite for the BenandJerry's in the grab and go I'll tell you how:

1. Fill your bowl with snow (new snow is safest and tastiest)
2. Stir in equal parts milk (soy in our case) and sugar (about 1/2 a cup)
3. Move around the concoction until it arrives at some semblance of an ice cream texture
4. Add a few teaspoons or tablespoons of vanilla to mask how watery this so-called ice cream is!

Overall, it's not the creamy deliciousness of your store bought ice cream but if you're cheap or on a diet this is probably a good alternative.

And if you see an 'F' and a 'B' carved in the sidewalk on Regent Drive west of the C4C....YES. We were there.

It Smells Good! Finally!

Bryn is going to treat yall to something really nice realllly soon. It's called snow ice cream.
Until then, I will continue to entertain with my folly and poor decisions that turn into something good to eat.

1. Have a REALLY BAD day. Get a $100 bike through a stop sign ticket from the fake campus cop.
2. Be late to class because the cop can't figure out which name on your license is your first. Griffin? Ann? Faulkner is definitely the last right?
3. Get dizzy a LOT.
4. Complain to Bryn. Make macaroni again, with more cheese, oil instead of butter, and sundried tomatoes.
5. Get comfort food to compliment the frozen burrito you ate before the macaroni. Accept none other than over-priced Ben & Jerry's from the Grab n Go. Preferably chocolate macadamia.
6. Fall asleep in econ.
7. Go on a quest for swimsuits and black pants to wrap around your legs that takes probably 150% more time than a normal person would take because you are both directionally challenged.
8. By the time you get back, 4:20, it is time to start cooking with the looty booty that you got from the C4C.
9. You guessed it! Egg Bake!
This week's variation includes
Kaiser Rolls (2) (some people call them roll thingies)
Croissant (1)
Mushrooms (As many as you can squish into a bowl)
Green peppers
Red Onions
Eggs (7)
Cheddar Cheese (whatever does not fall into the backpack)
Soy Milk
Dump it all together, pour into buttered pan, stick in oven prematurely annd....
put Bob's Burgers on your laptop. Be embarrassed when people walk by and the characters say something stupid.
Be proud when everyone walks by, and, with an air of surprise, says, It smells so good!! Is that eggs?!
And then they realize that yes, you are still sitting there.
And finally, the 10th commandment:
Fall off your bike onto your bike lock. Let everyone get out of their car and say, you alright dude?
Say yes, thank you, I'm actually a girl, I know that fall made me look pretty tough and manly though.
The kids from the other car will tell you they got the plate number of the car that sped around you. Thank them graciously, promise you're ok, and keep walking.
Now you're a cowboy.

23 January 2011

The String Cheese Incident

Yes, you can make macaroni and cheese out of cheese sticks.
1. Make a roux by heating butter and flour in a saucepan until it is "nutty."
Add milk til it gets thin but still sticks together. Have your friend peel apart string cheese and throw it in. Use 2 sticks, minimum.
2. Boil your elbow noodles that you took from home.
3. Drain. (Duh)
4. Dump the roux unceremoniously into the pasta and mix it until its all even-like.
5. Mow (Pronounce like m-ow, cow)
6. Make some super strong coffee and get super jittery. Feel the butterflies going insane in your entire body.
roux roux g'joob, my brothers and sisters. (Punny I am the Walrus reference)
Go for a 6-10 mile run. Get soooo hungry and when you get back,
grab that bread out of the freezer.
rub butter all over it.
one piece gets agave nectar, the other almond butter.
slap that on the pan, not too high or you'll burn it.
hippy say what?!?

20 January 2011

Leftover Night

We still had ham and cheese left over from Grilled Night, so we made some Croque Madame, a very traditional French open-faced ham n cheese with an egg in the face.

I tried to combine that and "toad in the hole" or "egg in the well" or whatever thing that goes in something else that your mom made for you on Sunday mornings or after a rough day AND a Frenchie 'wich, but it didn't work. So Bryn got a mess of delicious while I perfected the Croque Madame for mine.

1. Toast a piece of bread in the buttery pan.
2. Cook an egg. Put cheese on the bread while this chemistry goes down.
3. Heat that ham.
4. Think of Will Ferrell's "ASSEMBLEEEEEEE".

Bread cheese ham egg is the order you'll want.

Here is what it should look like. We didn't do this:

Grilled Goodness

Straight outta Vermont, whabam! Grilled cheese for dinner, but full of Northeastern tradition - that love of cold harsh reality and political skepticism. And composting! I'll get right to the point because I have to go to work:
1. Get your ingredients from the grab and go and dining hall, whichever suits your fancy:
Bread (whole wheat of course!)
Dijon mustard
Good cow cheese (cheddar, preferably. Cabot? Oh yeah. Not that they would buy into that, corporate bad guys...)
Happy chicken eggs
Proud pig ham (they carry vegetarian no supplement ham here! ...but its from New Jersey. I wonder if it is promiscuous... what a Situation...)
Italian Seasoning, salt pepper, whatever you want....
2. Cook the eggs, slap the ham on the pan for a bit, season all that, assemble the ingredients on your sandwich in whatever style suits your fancy (see our beautiful picture), and put the egg on last, on top of the cheese so it will melt.
3. Put the sandwich on a BUTTERED OR OILED PAN SO IT CAN GRILL.
What ever you do, do NOT use your handy snackster. This Vermonstery delite is too big, everything will get mushy, stuck, and burned, and the girls down the hall will run past the kitchen yelling "it smells foul!!" until they see you and start giggling. An RA also might ask if you're cooking or is the building really on fire.
4. Bake some brownies (or ghetto-fabulous pear crisp - I'm not bothering with that recipe since it didn't work well ) to cover the smell. And NEVER bake kale if you want to have friends. Or do it on a Friday night - its kinda funny.

17 January 2011

Holy Goodness




A massive cut and 2 hours later, we have pizza. Woop woop

11 January 2011

By the way

Its like a geographic depiction of multicolored goodness! A cheesy river flowing through shrubbery and ummm flaky rocks. Huh. Nevermind.

This is where we cook. Coldest smallest place in the building. We can pretend to be Harry Potter!

Tomorrow is far far away night. Here's what Sewall's got to offer:
  • Grilled Chicken Breast with Spinach and Chipotle Cream
  • Chef's Choice Entree
  • *Sweet and Sour Tofu
  • *Wild Rice Pilaf
  • *Francais Blend Vegetables
  • *Deli Bar
  • Cornbread with Honey Butter
  • Lemon Poppy Cake
  • Cherry Pie
Honey, I'm gonna get me somma that Cornbread and hike over to the C4C to take from their Persian grill, because aside from Rice, we got nothing here. What is Chipotle Cream?!

Capitalism is itself marvelously adaptive, able to turn the problems it creates into lucrative business opportunities

Michael Pollan said that, I didn't steal it. Because we are marvelously adaptive too!
Today's lesson: Egg Bake.
This delicious show stopper will be a success every time, guaranteed, unless you put ham and broccoli in it and make your kids eat it before opening their Easter baskets. Gross.
Preheat the oven to about 375.
Sautee, fry up, or steam your vegetables - whatever suits your nutritional fancy. We used broccoli and red onions from the salad cart.
In a bowl, stir up seven of the eggs that David retrieved from the hill with Italian Seasoning (or salt and pepper) and some milk from the grab and go. It should look like you're making Frenchie toast again, but maybe a little tiiiiny more milk.
Use the other half of David's baguette that he used to make CaptainFrenchKawowToast. Cut it into rounds and put them in a buttered device that can go in the oven. We use this awesome non-stick (I think) pan with a heat resistant handle that doesn't melt.
Pour the eggy whatever over the bread in the pan. Spread the veggies over as well. Make sure they're all cozy with everything.
This is the fun part. Get some flaky cereal like special k, corn flakes, healthy start, or frosted flakes if you have a sweet tooth. Sprinkle those over the masterpiece, and do the same with shredded cheese. FAIRY DUST, KIDS! That is your sprinkly dusty ooooh goodness gracious special touch.
Hide your masterpiece in the oven before anyone walks by and asks what the cuss you're doing with breakfast cereal, cheese, and broccoli, and leave it in for about 20 minutes.
Open the oven a bunch during that time to look at it longingly knowing that class is coming up in 25 minutes, because that's what Bryn did and it worked pretty well.
When the eggs are cooked, its safe to eat! There might even still be some Boulder Chocolate Pudding in the freezer from before break, who knows.
Be sure to thank David, our wealthy oil lord, for supplying the ingredients for the meal he did not attend. We haven't done that yet, but those eggs might make some good pancakes for him.
Good work tonight!

10 January 2011

Tuesday Preparation

Here's what we have to work with for Tuesday. The only salvageable food I see is the vegetables.....I say we use tonights leftover bread, 8 or 10 eggs and loot some veggies for a trouble-free quiche! Not as sugarcoated as tonight's creation but it sure beats the mass-produced lasagna baked in empty mattress boxes.

  • Italian Lasagna - Meat or Cheese
  • Battered Green Beans with Spicy Peach BBQ Sauce
  • Grilled Zucchini with Kalamata Olive Spread
  • Marinara Sauce
  • Italian Blend Vegetables
  • Deli Bar
  • French Bread
  • Strawberry Cheesecake
  • Coconut Cream Pie

Captain What?

Yeah, it looks like meat. But no worries! It's Captain Crunch French Toast. We were inspired by the Westside's delicious dinner that David got while we were in Vail. After some chickenairplaneshoulder relays at swim practice, David hoofed it up to Bova's on the Hill (the best wannabewouldabeen bodega in Boulder to buy some eggs, saving me a run to the emporium at Farrand. If you wanna repeat this feat, here you go:
Use munch money to buy a baguette from the bakery. We used half.
Snag some captain crunch from the cereal dispensers in the dining hall, and milk too. We used chocolate, just for funsies.
Obtain 2 eggs. You should always have some in your microfridge. Always. I don't care where you get them, buy a chicken if you have to and tie it up in the bath room. They produce well under stress.
Mix the eggs and milk up in a bowl. Not too much milk, just enough to.. you know... you should know this by now.
Dip that bread! Make sure its nice and coated, and then coat it in your crunched up captain crunch.
Butter your pan with stolen butter from a restaurant or the dining hall (that is a good thing to save) and cook the bread until its toast. You know the drill. YUM!

We also conducted a taste test between the flask of syrup I brought back from Vermont and the creepy safeway corn product that's been in the cupboard since last year. The real stuff won!!

Next up... far far away at Kittredge cooking night. We'll make something exotic.

01 January 2011

Dorm Food Gone Good

"Dorm food gone good," in the words of Camille, is the basis for our combined superblog! In our closet size dorm kitchen we recreate the food that the institution serves us into something more flavorful and exciting to fuel our studies and adventures - "gourmet," if you will. We have made crepes with pears and nutella, something along the lines of quiche, apple crisp, and LOTS of stir fry. So we are going to write about these ventures for the betterment of the college dining experience. Enjoy.