30 December 2011

Poach me poach me

That's what we shout at work when we need poached eggs on a benedict to sell.

We also shout a lot about what she said.

In any case, I was not at work and not fetching poached eggs, which is unusual.

My friend who is working on starting her own blog for The Second Kitchen came over to cook and we made caramelappleupsidedownwhat?! I will let her tell you about it.

We had one apple leftover and some sauvignon blanc that had been in the fridge for at least 3 weeks. According to Momofuku, on a scale of 5 to -5, the goodness of keeping such wine in the refrigerator is -3. That means you should drink your whole bottle in approximately 32 hours.

Here is how to poach an apple. It's very in right now.

Boil your sweet wine (2 cups - the apples should be immersed) in your electric water heater because your stupid electric stove takes forever.
If you're fancy boil it with a cinnamon stick and a vanilla bean. If you're a normal person the stuff in the plastic circle things works fine too!
Put the apple in the poaching liquid.

Stop reading my self-centered blog and watch this:

Cut the apple in half if you're impatient like us.
Add Emily's mix of oats, raisins, coconut milk and shred, and brown sugar once you pull the apple. Put it in the core.

Add some sugar and reduce the wine by half. Drizzle artfully. Realize you are so cool you can make creme anglaise.
Its an egg yolk, milk or cream, sugar, and vanilla. Make sure you temper the eggs so it doesn't get too 'eggy'.

Drizzle that artfully too.


14 December 2011


Believe it or not, Boulder, we're back.
We've been inspired because Whitney from the Daily showed us this link saying that we're on the site's list as one of 2011's most read stories!! Cool!
Get ready for a whole new kind of obnoxious because my winter break starts in about an hour after I knock out one more exam.

Two quick updates:
Cafe Aion on the Hill is rated best in Boulder for a reason.
All I eat now is potstickers.
BONUS!! That's about to change because we went grocery shopping today and there is actual food in the fridge. I'm making fried rice tonight with like five kinds of vegetables. And then I'll tell you how to make it.

Recipe for the best egg-streak-breaking breakfast you can find north of Pearl and west of 17th. That intersection doesn't mean anything to me.
Franch Toast:
Mix up an egg, some milk, and the following in a bowl. Don't drink the milk out of the carton because you'll spill and hit it on the oven vent and split your lip.
Grated ginger
Orange and grapefruit zest
Let the bread soak up your brilliant idea while you make canadian bacon eggs.
Use lots of butter
Make Bryn make the tea.

Welcome back yaaaa!

17 November 2011


I have had this stupid yam staring at me for a week so I destroyed it yesterday.

Destroying is what I've been doing to the eggs that I've forgotten how to cook.

You can make this from the dining hall - I'm sure they have cubed boiled yams.

Once the mofo is boiled, mash it around in the pot with salt, maple syrup, and a little cream.

Pecans finish.

16 November 2011

Mystery Soup

Someone left mystery soup in our fridge the other day, and we found it last night after an escapade to the rec center. 2nd time all semester.

So we're sitting at the table staring at it like,

no, it's shrimp?
baby shrimp.
I've never had baby shrimp.
There are peppers. Chili peppers?
No, real peppers.
Chicken thigh.
Cheese? Or is that corn and cream?
What makes it orange?
I dunno. What are these herb things?
Don't they put tarragon in fish stuff?

Turns out it was gumbo.
That's how you know you need a reality culture check.

09 November 2011


Dormet lives, yall.
Real quick how to make butter:

Heavy whipping cream in a jam jar.
Flavor? I think so.
Vanilla honey lemon.

Shake it for 15 minutes. It will go through a whip cream phase.
You know it's butter when it bundles into a ball and weird thin cream is left on the bottom.
COOOL! Thanksgiving distraction/entertainer/inappropriate joke central?

03 October 2011

Updayte: donuts!

I don't have a life anymore.
There is a piece of celery in a bowl of water in our fridge with some peanut butter, buttermilk, almost empty jam, and some milk. And pumpkin puree. Maybe I can make a smoothie with the milk and half banana that's in the freezer and the pumpkin and peanut butter. Or I could go shopping.


Anyway, I don't have anything to tell you about food I make unless you want to hear more about oatmeal.
You do?

Ok, here's what NOT to do. Or what to do but better. But lemon juice pepper and salt in. Add sliced cherry tomatoes. That's almost what I did, but yours will taste better.

And NEVER try to combine apple cider and pesto. Maybe apple cider vinegar, but that was the worst thing I've ever done to pasta.

I guess I could tell you about cider donuts. Yeah,  CIDER DONUTS!
Those are something for any New Englander to be emotional about. It's funny because the blog from which I obtained the recipe talked about how they're not that satisfying, but it just feels so good to eat them because it feels right, seasonally and traditionally. Like keeping a dead tree in your living room for a month that you know is going to make everything sticky and dirty and the cat might tear it down. But you do anyway because that's what you did as a kid. Here's the recipe. Half it, cop. You don't need that many.

1 C cider
3.5 C flour
2 t bp
1 t bs
.5 t cinnamon, salt, nutmeg
4 T room temp butter
1 C sugar
2 eggs
.5 C buttermilk

reduce the cider, combine the wet/dry ingredients separately, and pour the dry into the wet.
Shape the donuts on a floury surface; I liked making braids with mine.
You're going to have to get some oil hot, but I'd say warm. It works better to leave the donuts in longer at a lower temp; they get better color. If you can figure out how to get them to stay together, lemme know. Maybe bake them first? People in Boulder don't eat donuts, so these are the best you'll find around. Rub them in cinnamon sugar and eat warm.

Next time: the BEST pork chop you've ever had! If I remember to post.

26 September 2011


WARNING there are cuss words. For your listening pleasure. This picture doesn't move.

How many variations of butter can you fit in YOUR meal?!

We made butternut squash soup and sausage and pasta last night and it was the best dinner ever. It tasted like real food and everything.

Actually, I told Bryn I wanted soup and she made it. I just cut stuff up because I still don't get how to make soup.

After complaining about holding the banana and the Amish apple sausage at the store and embarrassing Bryn in front of her coworkers (I don't work there anymore- new mystery location for me to tell you about!!) we went home (in the car OHEMGEE) and made this following pretty little thing that yall should totes replicate:

2T butter: melt in saucepan
1 small onion: add sliced
1.5 lb (ish) butternut squash: add in 1" pieces
2 C water: Throw those in with
1/2 bouillon cube of choice (we got chicken so we use chicken)
Cook on... medium? Until the squash is soft, then blend it. Try not to freak out when the blender starts leaking because your roommate put it back together wrong and spill it all over the fridge.
Back in the pan for nutmeg salt and pepper. You're so cool.
Garnish with rosemary, some form of cream, and some red fruit reduction. We didn't do that but it would be pretty. You're trying to become an expo.

Heat up Spinelli's spicy vodka sauce. Add some feta or whatever ends you have in the fridge.
Add your leftover elbow noodles from when you made Mater Christi goulash with Brook from Vermont.

Steam 2 brats with port and water. Allow to rest a few minutes before hacking at them; they'll be easy to cut into angled slices. There's a proper name but I don't know it.

Steep chai tea in milk in your bombtastic electric water heater. It will be a pain to clean, so do it in a saucepan instead. Add a little vanilla, cinnamon, and honey. Drink as dessert because it takes FOREVER.

You're welcome.

Side note:
This kid made donuts. Not just any donuts... CIDER DONUTS!!
Recipe to come, if you want it. Yeah, you do. Mostly, you want to hear about how I lit a towel on fire and why I can't use my garbage disposal and there's glass in my hand. All that to come soon.

14 September 2011

Down to the Skivvies

I even took pictures.

Unfortunately, however, I can't find my connecty thing OR my passport, so we're all in a tight spot.

Just found them both!!

I really wish I could show you the poblano I roasted for pancakes tomorrow and the corn and the acorn squash but they're all stuck on my camera. The brat was too beautiful, so I'm keeping that to myself. But it had apples in it and I cooked it in PBR because it's been in our fridge for like two weeks now (so responsible) and it was all very beautiful.

I'm not going to tell you how to make that though. I'm just going to give you another grilled cheese recipe.

Know why?


And, since we didn't have any balsamic, we used our white wine vinegar, salt, and pepper. Leave the sandwich open faced and add the tomatoes at the end for the best meltage. Add some basil or... rosemary? and you're in the money.

Please cook one up at the CFORCE for me and let us know how it goes!

...Some nerdy showtunes for you to overcome the skrillex bumpin down from upstairs

06 September 2011

Quality Control

I went home yesterday for a hot minute. Here's how I know my parents don't love me anymore:
1) My mom said hi to Bryn first
2) She told me that the quality of this blog is disintegrating.

So I'm out to prove a point. I'm doing that by sitting at Vic's drinking hot chocolate because it's freezing and I can't handle more coffee and it really was a bad idea because now I'm way too hot and people aren't supposed to drink milk after age 7. There's soup on the stove that I should probably check on too...

But here's the catch-
How do you make soup?! I've never made it before! I'm freaking out.
I got a salad from work the other night because they were on their way out and I already had one for lunch, so I figured that if I threw this pumpkin seed corn bean thing in a pot with chicken stock, maybe it will turn into something? I think I'm gonna blend it.

OH my gosh how do I get all wrapped up in these kinds of things? I should be thinking about Turkey and Israel, but I'm really focused on whether I should have done something with the onions first.

Maybe I should have gone to trade school. Maybe I should stop talking about myself all the time.

Which brings me back to my point. We'll try to be a little more consistent and intelligent with our posts. Things should calm down soon. Or maybe not... this 7 year old drinking coffee and wearing a backwards hat with those stupid roller shoes just stared me down while rolling. Boulder is so weird.

04 September 2011

Moving picture No 2

What we do for fun....

That night we also made chocolate sauces for our choffles. Chocolate waffles that we turned into pancakes.

You combine sugar and egg yolk, then slowly add in your hot milk/chocolate/sugar combo. You're so smart.

03 September 2011

Peach Popsicles

The other day I told someone that my name "is like German for a falcon hustler or something."

You're welcome Mom. Here's the recipe you gave me from Marczyk's from The NY Times with forgetful modifications.

To our audience: There are a lot of peace hustlers out there right now. Buy them up to make jam... or popsicles!

Blend peaches lemon juice roasted ginger sugar and put them into
a) silicone cupcake cups (score)
b) ice cube trays
c) bottoms of water bottles that you cut up
d) I'm open to suggestions

wait an hour to stick forks into them.

02 September 2011

Look Ma! I Made Bread

Sure bread is only a buck ninety nine at Ideal Market but imagine the glory and connection to nineteenth century bakers you feel when you bake your own. Yeah. That's right. It's great. So get 3 cups of whole wheat flour and one cup of all purp. for like 76 cents. A pack of active dry yeast and honey and you practically have a loaf. Sure there's some yeast rising and baking time but you can go sit on your neighbors porch for a while and talk about state official stories before it's even done. The recipe I used was from Good Housekeeping and understandably not worth sharing there was some dryness in the texture and not enough honey....but! One of those chatty stoner neighbors of ours comes from a long line of bakers in the South so maybe I'll be able to trick him into getting the secret family recipe....a-yo! For now I'll sit on the porch with my homemade bread and pretend, I dunno, I have a bonnet on and am traveling west in a covered wagon. Oregon Trail 2011.

So Dormet

I needed a pick me up before work last night, so my friend in Grocery pointed me to mint Guayaki. You want wings? Forget r*dbull. This stuff will make you use terms like "quixotic" and "fairy princess" and you'll jump up and down and make friends with EVERY customer.

Break time is a good time to come down from Guayaki flight.

Three of us were sitting at the... pizza bar? One had brisket and one had rice and I had 4 rolls, a pear, and an end piece of pepper jack. Know what I did with my combination?

Yeah, and you can do it in the dorms too!

Be sure to slice the pear and cheese really thin. You only need one roll. I got 4 because that's how they come on sale at Alfalfa's. If you're feeling gutsy, add some butter for what they call...

31 August 2011

Summer is Dying

Slowly though, so you still have time to make this lovely salad. If you're not in class or at work regretting your existence as it is now.

The best thing about it?

I get tired of feeling like a stupid deer (they just hang out in the streets) walking around chomping on plants sometimes. Other times I like it. Uhm moving on.

Slice some heirloom tomatoes. Make sure they're different colors because it's aesthetically pleasing and I'm pretty sure there's some taste variation. Or pick them up from the sammich cart in the dining hall.

Roast a beet in tinfoil preferably on a grill, but you can in the oven. Get different colors for those too! When you can handle them, slice those nice and skinny too. One might say, translucent.

Add sliced cucumber - did you know there are various varieties!? Make that happen.

The dressing we used was 1:3 apple cider vinegar to olive oil, thyme, salt, and sugar. It wasn't my idea but I made it and it was beautiful.

Gently toss? stir? melanger? everything with a little bit of salt to bring out the flavor/juice.

Promise, you'll be a happy camper. Just like us when we're cooking at the demo kitchen! Thanks for the picture Barbara!

28 August 2011

Sneaky Bagels

Like the resta yall, I don't really love paying for food, unless it's for massive beets at the farmers market or fancy cheese and the like. So when slurping the guts out of a tomato after running before International Business doesn't cut it, you can grab a bagel from your closest on-campus coffee shop.

Skip the cream cheese. Wanna know why? I bet you already do.
A lot of cream cheese is from cows treated with rBST GROWTH HORMONES that cause cows to get sores on their udders. The sores puss into the milk, and though safe to eat, cow puss kinda grosses me out, especially in spreadable form.
Have you ever thought about chocolate milk? That's why Ovaltine is lovely.

Ok uhmm I'm hopping off my high horse to tell you the other reason I don't like cream cheese is because I don't like throwing the extra dollar for it. I'd rather put that in the tip jar so....

what I'm getting at is...
pick up the bagel
bring it to the milk station or whatever you call it - what is that called?
Agave nectar? Honey? Sugar?
Go for it.
You could even use the microwave. I think it's a microwave... they have one at Trep Cafe in the Business building, at Alfalfas... I'll do some sleuthing and find out where the rest are.

Happy freeloading, hippies!

24 August 2011

Tip #2

Pay attention to the news.

It took me til this morning to find out about that.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE... Those bags that they put apples in?

Save them!
They come in handy for:
storing half onions
storing half meals
organizing school supplies
not buying saran wrap
wrapping sandwiches
snack bags
illicit substances
pocket shots
waterproofing electronics
as a bandaid substitute
...what else?

Also... quick summer note for you! Someone taught us how to make fried green tomatos. It's a right fine time to do it because they're tart and they go really well in burgers and sandwiches!
Flip the slices in flour, then beaten eggs, then a flour/cornmeal mix. Fry them and you'll be happy for the next 15-30 hours.

22 August 2011

Tip #1

Welcome back!
Because I'm sure you haven't heard that enough today.
I got a flat overinflating my tire and the bike station is closed til 1 for registering bikes so I'm drinking coffee out of a jar and eating rice out of a quart container. I'm sure you can guess where I am.

It's not Norlin because it smells too much like perfume and burnt hair over there.
Anyway, for all the freshmen that don't know about us yet, we're going to start some helpful hints on how to Dormet it up once the C4C stops feeling like heaven.

We'll start out nice and easy, ok?

Tip #1:
Bring at least 1 waterbottle to the dining hall. Fill it with milk.
Buy Ovaltine from target. Use the jam jar you saved from home to shake it all together. No spoon necessary! Wooo hooo!

18 August 2011

Dormet Demo - Update

We made so many friends at Fill the Fridge night!

We also hung up about 500 flyers on the hill, campus, and Pearl Street.
Despite sounding a little bit like dancers at the Bus Stop being called the "Dormet Girls" and my new name tag being "Spanky" from Little Rascals, the night went really well!

Here are the recipes from College Nite at Alfalfa's.
Here are our recipes! Attached is our tag, we'd love for it to go on the recipes! Thanks, we can't wait!!
Faulkner and Bryn

Hangover Dinner
serves however many friends are still kickin around your place
8 eggs
English muffins 
.5 lb bacon or sausage
1 package hash browns
whichever cheese you please
salt n' peppa galore
hot sauce
Cook bacon or sausage slow over low heat. Remove before ultra crispy. Save the fat for other endeavors. 
Cook hashbrowns with meat fat, salt and pepper
Stir eggs in large bowl with salt and pepper
Lay english muffin halves in a buttered pan to go into the oven. Pour eggs on top. 
Add bacon, hash browns and cheese in that order.
Pour into pie dish add salt and pepper
Bake for at 400F for about 15-20 minutes. You'll be hanging out drinking juice in the kitchen anyway, so just keep an eye on it. 
Serve with hot sauce and get ready for round two. 

Add-ins, if you're fancy pants:

Peach Crisp  

For crust
2C animal cookies, crushed
4T melted butter

For peaches
3-4 peaches cut into 1/8 slices
1T lemon juice
1/2C brown sugar 

Crush your cookies and add the melted butter
Press the crust into your pan

Toss peaches with the lemon juice and brown sugar
Pour over animal cookie crust

Now toss some granola or cereal or leftover cookies on top and bake for 45 min. at 350F. So easy!

Banana Ice Cream 
Serves 2
4 frozen bananas... or as many bananas as you're hungry for.
   Slice bananas into nickels and stick them in the freezer til they're frozen. 
 Blend that with some vanilla extract or some spice - cinnamon for you romantics and cayenne for the bad ass rogues.
Spoon into bowls and you got yourself a mighty fine bowl of ice cream

15 August 2011

Dormet Demo!

Bryn and I will be at Alfalfa's from 7-10 tomorrow night making peach crisp, banana ice cream, and hangover casserole. Check it out before you hit the town for twisted tuesday!

14 August 2011

Peaches n Cream

 1. You can make eggs in a snackster!

2. Peaches and cream ss the name of a type of corn. Buy some from the farmers market. You'll eat it like a starving child.

You should also just buy peaches. Serve them with a salad:

Fresh greens from the CUGL garden
Poached egg
Maple lemon dressing

and... gazpacho.

Yeah we did that in the dark too. Actually I mostly told other people what to do, but it all worked out pretty well.

11 August 2011

Slumdog Millionaire

Oh how it's been so long... we're so sorry we've been gone....
we were busy... moving in?

Yeah I copped that from Panic at the Disco. Eeek.

But we're back!! Moved into Boulder in the same house, so things are gonna get crazy. Come see us Tuesday night, we'll be working Alfalfa's Fill the Fridge shebang from 7-10 pm!

In the meantime, (until we get internet) here's a good one for you:

Waffle mix
Flax seeds ground in a coffee maker
Justin's peanut butter and honey (it's ok everyonceinawhile to buy yuppibutter)
Spiced whip cream

Celebratory move in.

More updates later on VT, our bombtastic neighbors, and raiding a house. We're still thinking about you.

26 July 2011

Captain Crunch Revisited

I felt bad about not giving my sister my old gray tank top. But it has a pocket and I really like it. Anyways I decided to make amends by making her some Cap'n Crunch French Toast back from Dormet's first days of life. It's also a celebration that the Captain is NOT being discontinued! His full name is Horatio Magellan Crunch for cereal trivia know-how. So this french toast bizness. It's cool that by now I've made enough french toast to not need a recipe just throw together milk eggs and sugar the elemental structure of life so its not too watery looking. Add vanilla nutmeg and cinnamon to your heart's spice desires. Take some sugared corn and oat squares aka captain crunch put it in a bag and crush with the olive oil bottle on the counter. Dip the frozen rudi's bread from when loaves were buy one get one free. Then press into caramel candy cereal and fry up with some butter thats not too hot otherwise the lil cereal bits'll burn.

The tank top debacle was totally solved. Except she's still wearing the tank top AND I made her breakfast.....hmm. I think she won this one. But I get to put pictures of her looking like a goonie up.
In the dorm how-to:
Fill an apple bag with capn crunch from the dispensers
Grab soy sauce from dinner to use as a rolling pin
Grab butter pats from the sandwich cart
Bread from the bread collection at cforce
Sugar from the coffee bar at bfast
Go to one of the five starbucks within a three mile radius of campus
Steal their cinnamon shaker
Skip the nutmeg
Get your eggs from farrand with munch money
Yerr all set my minions.....jk. I mean students of dormitory culinary sophistication.

22 July 2011


Play this while you catch up on reading our blog, or the news, or some other foodie blog...

You are NOT allowed to say pizzettas! without an exclamation point.

Wooo pizza! After this summer I never wanna eat pizza again, except for maybe what Sabina and I put together at her place the other night. About 12 people came over and we had 5 balls of dough, so she brought out the frozen bread rolls and we made her childhood tradition. Pretty much the same as pizza but on a bread roll. To spare you the reading, I'll just tell you the combos:

1. Green apple, walnut, feta, yellow onion, pesto. Yes I'm from Vermont can you tell? Maybe add some honey, sugar sweetie.

2. Spinach rehydrated sundried tomato, feta, pesto.

3. Pepper jack and whatever else you've got lying around on the rolls with olive oil and peppers and such.

4. Pawpaw jelly and spinach and some other fixins… pawpaw is a fruit berry grown in the US that tastes like a strawberry banana papaya.

Honesty it was kinda hot in the kitchen and lovely tristuds brought over soooo many ingredients including a full pineapple that I kinda got tunnel vision and blacked out. I don't remember all the different things. I can tell you that we did use green peppers, live tomatoes (yeah I know), mushrooms, tomato sauce, lotz of cheeze, and that whole foods dough is bigger than falfa's, but ours costs less. Have wine with your pizza and enjoy the full moon outside for me, ok?

20 July 2011

Croque means Crunch

I got to practice my francais yesterday with my new custie friend from Paris.

In the spirit of that, le Tour, and French ham in the fridge, here is how to make a Croque Madame for breakfast. Griffin style, that is. 

1. I love bread, but I'm getting kinda tired of eating in six times a day. So we're gonna go with one piece of good for you bread. In the dining hall, grab whole wheat, sourdough, or maybe a croissant from the C4C. Sliced bread is stupid. Those toast well, but you can use whatever you want because "pane rustique" is not a dormet ingredient. If you're really feeling fancy, use munch money to pick up a baguette. 

2. If you're me you're gonna try to cook everything in a little baby pan and you'll mess up the egg. Don't do that. Butter both sides of the bread if it's sliced. If you got something that has a crust on the bottom, just butter the pan and the inside of the bread. At Alfalfa's we use béchamel, but that's a whole other can of worms I'll tell you about in a minute. 

3. Ham n cheese! And you better get thin sliced ham. I'm serious. Cheese goes on the bottom, preferably swiss or gruyere. And make sure the ham is fluffy. Cook this on medium so that the bread can stay on for a whiiiile without burning. 

4. Cook an egg sunny side up. I don't know how to tell you to do that because honestly I'm still learning egg terms. I put water in a lid and cover the egg for a hot minute to steam cook the top a little bit. But I think sunny side up means wavvy gravvy egg. Which, if you want to be respected in the culinary world, you should learn to like. The egg goes on top of the sammich. Don't forget salt and pepper. Have your sister eat it for breakfast because she's your test subject and you're too optimistic about what you make.

This type of thing is a good remedy for listening to three different life stories the day before. I really gotta find my headphones because I had to listen to the "I'm going to control the world as a democratic commune" shtick, a philosophical shtick, and the story of a bipolar schizophrenic for 3 minutes before I fell asleep on the bus. He drew me a picture with his phone number and left it on my seat. I've got about 3 more nights before I'm never taking an 11 pm bus by myself again.

Bechamel: cream + roux

18 July 2011

Pity Party

Since last August's bike crash calamity, I've visited the dentist a record of thirty seven times in eleven months, using up me AND my entire family's dental insurance for the year. To celebrate I'm throwing a pity party. I made lemon pound cake with a poppy seed top. And there'll be vanilla bean gelato too. I won't be eating because I have post-root canal trauma but I'd love to watch you eat my cake. The catch is you have to drive to my mountain cabin because I'm still painkiller stoned. Rest assured the Cinderella hallucinations have stopped.

WHO: you!
WHERE: my house!
WHEN: now!
WHY: sympathy!/cake!
RSVP: 303-325....oh wait you can't because my phone was stolen!

Can't make it? Don't worry there's a quadruple wisdom tooth extraction party in September!

16 July 2011

alla Carbonara

I'm gonna cut to the chase again on this one:

First, put this on - it's about the cocaine trade, and we listened to it in one of my classes:

1. Ozo coffee on Pearl and...10th? opens at 6 am. If you have the pleasure of working nice and early, hit it up and ask for a croissant and a cafe au lait or latte. Que tu es francais!

2. My bomb day supervisor started training me on the line yesterday. I'm in love with the industry now.

3. You can get a roll, a carrot, a good piece of cheese, and yogurt for less than $3 and have your bases covered at Alfalfa's. Get the maple brown cow kind because it reminds you of Vermont.

4. As promised... carbonara. Three-point-six minutes of research tells me that no one knows where this 'dish' as they say comes from, but there are several theories. One holds that carbonara is related to coal, so this could be an Italian coalworker's meal.  Or the pepper just looks like coal. My favorite is that Americans used powdered eggs and bacon as bargaining materials and distribution after they served Italy in World War II.

The fun part? You can really make this in the dorms. Promise.

1. Whisk together your eggs from Farrand and some parm. They have that in all the dining halls. You might as well jack a shaker. Get some bacon at breakfast and dice it up.
2. Actually, do that while your water's boiling. Actually, that depends. No, boil water. Steal spaghetti on spaghetti day, or ask for it plain at the C4C. Reheat or cook the noodles in the water, because after you strain them...
3. You're going to put them into the bowl with the eggs. The heat cooks the eggs and you mix it all together and if you've eaten your equivalent of nothing all day it will be delicious. Be sure to add pepper and bacon for traditional. If you're feeling fancy, add your faaaavorite herbs, but be sure to keep it simple.

14 July 2011

Rasta Pastah Mon

This one goes out to all my Boulder maryjane enthusiasts that like their munchies raw. And I say that in my most endearing not-condescending tone. I still sound sarcastic but I'm really not this time.

Rasta Pasta, equal parts all veggies
Red peppers [diced] for the blood of all living things in the world...
Corn for all the treasures in the world that people cherish....
Edamame for the earth that people walk on.....

I threw in some chopped white onion for flavor factor.
I imagine jalapeno would be good too but I'm anti-spicy.

Deliver the Rastafarian manifestation in vegetable form in a used Jif jar.
The layering is purely for presentation. It should be shook before eaten.

Daaaank dude.
Munch on Boulder....

Ramen Gnocchi

Dormet worked in the demo kitchen at Alfalfa's yesterday!

I found the recipe for gnocci made out of ramen in a new quarterly that I can't find online, but you can check out some of David Chang's other work on this funsie site. His home site is Momofuku, which means Lucky Peach. Cool!

The cool thing about this gnocchi is that the high processed flour in ramen mixed with milk makes a pate a choux, which is a French pastry base for eclairs, beignets, or cream puffs.

Here's the recipe we handed out:

2 C 2% or whole milk
2 pkg ramen (store the flavoring for when you're too lazy to make broth - like for the sauce!)
4 egg yolks
3 T butter
salt TT

Bring milk to a boil, turn off heat.
Add the ramen and break it apart with a fork.
Steep 1 minute, then strain, keeping the milk. Noodles should still be firm.
Blend the ramen with 1 C milk - you might need to push the mixture down into the blade so it doesn't overheat!
When the mixture is cool enough that it won't cook the eggs (comfortable to touch), and the yolks one at a time.
Blend in the salt and 1 T butter while you're at it!

Start boiling a pot of water. While it's heating, put the pate a choux you've just made into a pastry or sandwich bag.
Use a pastry scraper, cheese grater, or straightedge to push the pate a choux into the corner with the hole.
Squeeze the dough out into the water, cutting it into about 1/2'' segments.
Scoop the noodles out when they float to the top with preferably a screen, but anything with holes.
Make sure as much water is shaken off as possible.

Place on a greased plate or tray and chill to room temp in the fridge or freezer - just make sure that the gnocchi is room temp when you go to saute it!

Get the skillet real hot - enough that the butter foams when you add it, but doesn't evaporate. Spread the gnocchi out over the pan so none are stacked.
Stare at them til they turn golden delicious.
Give em a flip to cook the other side, and plate em with coconut curry or parm and herbs.

And here's why the 90s are gone... and why I 'll stop using shoop as a verb.

One of those stupid photo essays on foods that promote weight gain/loss, promoted by Harvard, right here.

12 July 2011

Frozen Cherries

1. Cut out the pits so you can eat uninhibited
2. Freeze your GMO strawberry cherries at 2.50/lb from Safeway. That's $3/lb less than at Alfalfa's. That's 1/3 a fifth of Burnett's that you should drink before your next shift.
3. Those frozen cherries go real well with chocolate chips.
4. Keep them in the lowboy for a pickmeups all night.
4 1/2. If you have a life that you enjoy during the day, pull the cherries out after they're totally frozen and let them sit for 30 minutes. When you get back, they'll have a popsicle texture.
5. Keep your post short so you don't disclose too much emotion about your bed being in the closet when you get home after your coworker steals your best friend's cell phone and there's no promised flatbread burger in the fridge and your sister won't take you running with her. But it's ok because I'm going to see...




At Osheaga in Montreal with my music gurus David and Will. That means I can get New Orleans, angry, and hipster all in one day. Hopefully I'll be able to remember my name. Just kidding I couldn't forget because I have to wear a nametag to work.

07 July 2011

Blueberry Blueberry Poptart Coffee Cake

Alright my friends and family,
I've been wearing my fancy pants for a little too long.
It was time to return to my dormet roots.
So when my mom challenged me to dormetize a box of blueberry poptarts,
I bravely accepted the challenge....
Blueberry Blueberry Poptart Coffee Cake.
Yeah I said blueberry twice.
That's cause there's real blubbery blueberries too!
The picture is all spooky dark because my family was watching Buried while I baked.
It's an awful movie about a man held for ransom in Iraq.
He was buried alive in a coffin with a cell phone and a lighter.
The camera shot never leaves the coffin he's burried in.
So essentially you're looking at 1h35min of Ryan Reynolds barely lit face,
a lot of cell phone ringing,
And spoiler alert.
He doesn't get rescued.
My dad said it was a good reminder your life is good
because you're not three feet underground in
a coffin without food or water
slowly being suffocated by sand pouring into your coffin.
Well Dad, I could've told you that two hours ago.
If you can't say the same,
watch it!


Grease the pan.

1.5 cups of blueberries
add a 1/4 cup sugar
2 teaspoons cornstarch
set aside

For the cake:

1/3 cup sour cream
1 large egg
1 large egg yolk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup cake flour
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
6 tablespoons softened butter, cut into 8 pieces.

Put 3/4 of the cake batter in the pan.

Add sugared blueberries.

Add the rest of the batter.


1/8 cup dark brown sugar
1/8 cup granulated sugar
a few shakes of cinnamon
pinch o' salt
2oz butter, melted

stir 2gether til smooth

add 1 cup cake flour

should crumb nicely into chunks

(can I say chunks when talking about food?)

add four blueberry poptarts!!!!!

break em into pieces


bake for 45 minutes

watch Ryan Reynolds die.

A Bloody Mary in the Shape of a Steak Salad

I'm under twenty one. There I said it. And I think that's why I'm particularly drawn to recipes with alcohol or alcoholic inspiration, because it gives me an excuse or makes it seem ok to my folks. Last time it was when we made a guinness chocolate cake. (The pictures were kidnapped!?)

Anyways this time Bloody Marys. In the shape of a steak salad....

I'm gunna go ahead and say don't try and make this in the dorms. It's more for the occasion of your parents paying for your groceries for most likely the last month of your life. So I'm milking this for all that it's worth.

Now, steak isn't that photogenic, and my food photography skills are still maturing, so I'll have to describe this to you with my superfluous vocabulary.

OK! Steak! Cowsies cowsies.....
Since I'm dumb and don't know the hierarchy of the butchery of a cow,
I got skirt steak. You should not. It's hard to chew (But is uber cheap)

Anyways for the steak!
salt to taste
4 teaspoons brown sugar
2 teaspoons paprika
1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Rub all over steak and let marinate in the fridge for three hours.

That was enough time for me to run three miles, stop by the bike shop, go to the bank, go to the grocery store and then drive home in a flash flood of a rainstorm.

Now for the bloody mary part!

1 cup finely chopped red onion
3 tablespoons Sherry vinegar
2 pounds cherry tomatoes (I used a pack of golden and a pack of red for diversity)
1 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup chopped brined green olives plus 2 tablespoons olive brine
2 tablespoons prepared horseradish
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Stir veggies
Stir sauceish things in another bowl
Mix together
Put over a bed of salad

Now grill your steak for 4 minutes on each side on high.
Yeah that's right this girl used her dad's grill.
Bring it back inside slice it all pretty
Put it on top of the salad.

Now play some Regina Spektor and make your family pretend like they're at a restaurant. Dad grabs a Fat Tire which is a real compliment.

I could totally run a restaurant if it only served four people and had a set menu.



ANNOUNCEMENT! Dormet will be demo-ing in the Demo Kitchen at Alfalfa's next Wednesday at dinner time. Stop by between 5 and 7 to see us in action!

Now back to the program...

I was swimming at Lap Swim at Curtis Park Pool today (hours 11-6, because it's impossible to find online) and I found out that Lap Swim means white people swim. That's the most white people I've ever seen there, which illustrates the gentrification project going on over this side of town.

So swimming back and forth, I hear a bunch of yelling and think oh goshdarnit it's thundering and they want us to get out. Not the case. The life guard is yelling at this guy walking by outside the fence who was cussing at someone in the pool. They start this huge yelling match with lots of "I was in this neighborhood way before your white cuss" and "just keep walking sir" and "Imma kill you." Everyone who wasn't gaping at the side of the pool was casually breast stroking to see what was going on. Major buzz kill. I don't think I'm too hot on this phenomenon that they are referring to as "reverse white flight."

That said, I see why I got in trouble last night for trying to ride my skateboard home at midnight. I'm not allowed to do that because it's dangerous. My sister got into some unknown shenanigans - long story short, the rents had to stay up til midnight for us ungrateful miscreants.

Punishment? They made us wake up at 6 in the morning because they had to get up that early. Which means I had enough time to swim, skateboard like 5 miles, wander REI for half an hour, and sew a t-shirt BEFORE making lunch. Here's your Ima Looooser Shell Pasta Recipe:

Saute red onion, jalapeno, and garlic in olive oil til it smells good
Add mushrooms, diced tomato, butter, and a little worcester sauce
Have your shell pasta boiling al dente by now
Make a roux with more milk than cheese, salt, pepper, and flour, and more worcester sauce
Combine everything, add fresh basil, and plate.
You'll be impressed.

05 July 2011

Dormet Goes to Gunnison

How to make a web log about all the good food things down south:

Just kidding. How to make a web log about why people think you're drunk all the time:

I guess I owe a little bit of explanation huh?

We spent the whole weekend singing camp songs. This is the only time you'll hear me sing.

This kid will sing though anytime

I made that video 3 hours in, so I had muchas energy. Not alcohol or drug induced. I wouldn't act that way in public, only for all the internet to see. Huh...

We go way deeper than Fergalicious and Right Round, but I was hoping the entertainment value would overcome the poor taste in music. For the record, I AM allowed to listen to whatever because I am NOT 16 anymore, just with discretion at the family homestead.

Me and my family did not get drunk under a bridge, but everyone else who was waiting to put in their raft did. We had to wait because some people got stuck on a tree in the middle of a river. We were totally competent. It was a real great adventure too because I almost fell out twice.

Food review: The Secret Stash in Crested Butte is a great place to go. They do great pizza, but since we were in a hurry to hustle cheese from other restaurants for my uncle's place, we were going to do salad. We tried really really really hard to eat greens this weekend. Sometimes, that just can't happen. They were out of greens, so we ate cheesy mushrooms and banana peppers instead. Best wings you can find too.

To celebrate America, we made a comeback salad. Here's what to do:

Chop up cucumbers (add salt if not ripe), tomato, avocado, mushrooms, apple, red leaf lettuce
Saute the mushrooms in a tiiiiny bit of olive oil and vinegar and pepper.
Add even less maple syrup and some oil, then toss it all together.
Bring it to the park in your uncle's jeep with the top down. Pair with a New Belgium, classy you.

01 July 2011


When a customer orders a grilled veggie sammich with no cheese, you must remind them that pesto contains parmesan.

When you make pesto at home, you must remember that Sunflower Market Olive Oil is a good investment for cheap students, but it tastes gross. Here's a recipe different than ours by just a little bit.

2 cups basil (we picked ours from our city garden! Read: a tub with dirt and beautiful plants in it)
1 cup parm
3/4 cup olive oil
1 cup pine nuts
garlic ta tastes

This was fun because Bryn's a groovy homegirl taking my shift tonight and I decided that class was optional today. What I'm getting at is that I regaled my parents with work stories for an hour, washed my hair for the first time since Sunday, ate pastries and bread sticks, and watched the new Karate Kid with my sister. I'm pretty sure that Jaden Smith is like 9 and not old enough to be making out with small Chinese girls yet. But I might practice putting on and taking off a jacket for a little bit - that's how he learns Kung Fu.

Again, I give you permission to stop reading, but I've got a few work snipplets (I hope that's not a dirty word) to remember:

Our bomb diggity new busser, Patrick, was asking me about some misspelled labels on the salads in the kitchen, saying things like "Herbal Chicken Salad?! That sounds like something from Cheba Hut!" or "I can't find traditional tuna… but here's some SPACY tuna! Is spacy tuna good? It seems like a good replacement?!"

One customer couldn't stop raving about the eggplant parmesan I made. TO BE SURE, I was bragging about it because I made it in a smaller pan and beefed it up with extra eggplant. But when you're paying $7, you want a little more than spinach and a piece of roasted veg right?

A few custies remembered me and told me so, which made me real happy. It's nice to make people feel like people instead of a customer or an employee.

Now for your moment of zen:

"Did you guys watch Flintstones?"
"I LOVE Flintstone vitamins!"
"I like the Dino ones best!"
"I like BamBam"
"I feel like I'm on acid or something right now…"

29 June 2011

Here Fishy Fishy

The sweetest words my mom has ever said, "I'll pay for groceries if you cook...."
I said, "Hellz yes, my mother."
My culinary imagination was like an out of control merry-go-round.
My friend in produce let me try a packham pear.
Melts in your mouth, delish.

And that was the motivation for the rest of the meal.
And he let me in on a little secret, the ones all bruised on the outside are the best on the inside.
Don't judge a pear by it's skin. Hah.

What do you put with pear? Feta cheese? Sure, I did and it jelled well.
Now protein.....hmm, Salmon! My favorite from my pescatarian days.
But salmons been done.
I bought some sesame sticks from the bulk section and crushed them with the olive oil bottle.
Brushed the fishy with some butter, honey, brown mustard concoction I made up and pressed on the sesame stick crust.

Roasted cauliflower and asparagus with olive oil and sea salt.
Cook the salmon ten minutes per inch. (1.5 inches=15 minutes.)
Plate the roasty veggies, put the crusted salmon on top and then put on the feta and fresh pears.
Ten stars my mom said.

Spark Notes: Buy sesame sticks from the bulk section and crush em, put them on fish for a nice crunchy-saltastic crust.

28 June 2011


It's hot in Boulder, hotter in Denver, and hottest next to the grill.

And I'm bored with the word hot - please submit a synonym for the word. If your synonym is good, I'll make you a milkshake, because I heard that song again yesterday.

You could submit that on our F*cebook page, which you may choose to like. If you like.

I bet you're looking for a recipe, huh? Well, since I hate chicken I've been eating it every day since Sunday, which was Salsa night at City Park Jazz.

Here's how to make a good variation on Chicken Adobo, because my mom doesn't like boiling it.

Since neither of us is Filipina (even though you might mistake my mom for my not white roommate)
we sort of used a recipe for this one.

1/2 cup any kind of vinegar
1/2 cup soy sauce
mince up the shallot you thought was garlic at first (mom why is this garlic purple?!)
mince up a ton of garlic
add the left over lemon juice from the lard pie you baked
3 bay leaves

Let your Roadkill Rooster (deboned chicken from Marczyk's) marinate in this for a little bit while you try to find Tank Girl at the sketchy comic book store on Colfax. Word on the street is an RTD bus hit someone there yesterday, so maybe you should be careful when travelling that side of town. Get a new Atmosphere CD too, but forget it in the car RIGHT before you head to Boulder for a week.

When the time comes, braise the chicken over low heat for a long time. I don't know how long, because I think me and my attitude went to go shoot hoops or something.

When the chicken is cooked, shred it up. From here, if I were you, I'd eat it like that, or even whole still, but my mom tossed it with corn, red onion, and some peppers I think. Skip the red onion, because it will overpower the chicken.

Since the theme is salsa caliente, you should probably make the spicy peaches you've been dreaming about, huh?

6 peaches (even though they're gross and mealy, they'll get good with sugar. Or just be patient and wait til they're in season)
A TON of sugar in the raw
--Toss this all together in a bowl, and add to the pie crust you made out of lard and butter. Follow Julia Child's method.

Make a really quick crumble to go on top - oats, brown sugar, butter til everything's all crumbly.
Bake at 350 for 45 minutes.

Tip of the day: NEVER BUY TUPPERWARE. Save the $3 to buy me a mocha and use peanut butter or jam jars instead.

Other tip of the day: Do yourself a favor and go to Mexico City on 21st and Larimer in Denver. Get a fried taco. You're welcome.

You're allowed to stop reading now, this is more for my benefit, but you're welcome to tag along on this memory.

Well... I guess do yourself another favor. Go to the hippy gas station on the way to Eldorado, but you're not allowed to go without me because I love it there. Apparently its because my mom used to take me as a baby. Weird sorry you didn't need to know that.

Anecdote time: back in the day when we spent 8 hours at the pool every day eating cherries, reading Harry Potter, and playing colors, we'd test our bravery by challenging each other to do stuff off the diving board. I literally spent an entire summer working up the courage to do a flip. My sister spent it trying to do a back dive. If she would do it, our mom promised, Emily would go home with a butterfinger. Emily usually didn't do it and got kind of upset (this might've happened to me a few times) but she nailed it eventually.

So, fastforward like ten years later and I'm standing backwards on the edge of the board with like ten people smiling encouragingly including my mom, who'd just done her own back dive with two metal rods in her spine. I'm doing this adrenaline scaredy dance and everyone is staring. I breathed out and did it, and I didn't get a butterfinger. But I did get an empty Pringles container. Rockies game, here I come.

25 June 2011

When You Only Have Half a Blender

I'm really rarely angry. But. I could only find half of the blender today. The pitcher part. No electronic stand base thing in sight. I looked for half an hour and called my mom nine times in a row. She didn't answer. So. There was no way I could make the smoothie my tastebuds were dreaming of. But when I was looking in the fridge for the other blender half, some chicken roasted red pepper sausage caught my eye. Inspiraaaaationn! I cut it up and nuked it put it over a bed of spinach with some diced orange bell pepper, chopped portobello mushroom and crumbled feta cheese. The chilled veggies were supreme. It didn't even need a dressing! The salad was my anger management. And I don't even want a smoothie anymore.

But if you find the other half of my mom's blender I'm offering a $88 reward.
Probably more than the whole blender is worth.
But that's how confident I am that it fell into a black hole vortex and is never returning.

22 June 2011



So I pulled the trigger on a shotgun last week - a bunch of times. And I even hit a few things with the bullet. My coworkers were nice enough to bring me along to Left Hand Canyon, which was totally beautiful, and put up with all my newbie questions about 'how do you do that with this thing' and 'why can't i reload it?'

They made chicken adobo and fajitas after, and I think adobo is my new favorite way to eat chicken, because it least resembles the chickens that I spear regularly with rotisserie skewers. They crack real nice when you push the upper region onto the stick. Also it just tastes really good - I'm going to try to make it this week when I'm not working. Which may be never. Anyway, eat your fajitas with your favorite brand of Mexican beer, such as Tecante.

I heard from my old camp friend's mom that Kiniya is having a reunion this summer while I'm in VT, which reminded me of this brilliant campfire activity:

Wrap one of those bread rolls that pops out of pressurized cardboard around a stick and cook it over the fire. If you make your own butter, which you can do with heavy cream shaken in a jar for ten minutes like a shakeweight, you've got yourself a nice gelatin free version of smores. By that I mean dinner. I really want one now… does anyone want to go camping?

Here's another recipe for you in your summer folly seeking -

I'm not going to tell you how to make pancakes, because either you have your own way of doing it or Bisquick tells you how every Saturday, but I will tell you this:

Strawberries are on sale right now because they're going out of season. And since the ones at not-so-safeway don't taste good, you can turn them into a fruit syrup! Cooking them into a reduction breaks down all the fiber and nutrients so you are left with a delicious sweet sauce for your pancakes when Aunt Jemima is all you can find in your pantry, you sinner. Get some real maple syrup and support your northern neighbors.

Oh you still wanted the recipe? Ok…

Strawberries or whatever's in your freezer or in season:

Cook 'em over medium heat until the juice leaches out and the fruit is soft. We added some water because apparently steam cooking is the fastest way to do it.

If you want, you can add some sugar and butter for something a little richer. The sauce should be a little thick.

One of my coworkers shared some leftovers with me last night - working with people who know how to cook is awesome. It was his making so I'm not going to try to get all recipe knowledge with his food, but I will say that you should make some braised short rib this summer with corn relish.

Zen moments for the day:

My bus driver has honked at approximately 5 cars on the way up to Boulder. She told a passenger asking which bus to take that "You can ride me right now" and regularly tells us that for safety, we should keep our voices down when talking to each other. This is all on the same highway that I can drive 80 on practically legally while dancing to Superbass.

A customer asked me if I liked the thin or the really thick meatloaf sammich better. I turned red, threw a sandwich at him, and ran away.